MEET MR STUPID

As I only look at TVNZ's and TV3's awful breakfast shows sporadically I completely missed Paul Henry's latest offensive remarks this week.

This time the victim of Henry's 'witty banter' was British singing sensation Susan Boyle.

Henry thought it would be really entertaining if he referred to Boyle as a 'retard.'

He described her as being 'starved of oxygen at birth'. Gosh, that's so incredibly funny and insightful. Who knew that Paul Henry was Oscar Wilde in disguise?

Of course this is yet another dismal example of Henry and his best friend - his ego - showing off for the cameras. Henry thinks he's 'entertaining' - everyone else just thinks he's a right wing prat. Except for fellow right wing loony Lindsay Perigo. He adores him.

Paul Henry really thinks he's brilliantly clever and funny. He actually thinks his jokes are the product of a mind superior to us mere mortals - except, maybe, Stephen Hawking. But I'm sure Henry has got a few witty comments stored up for Professor Hawking as well.

Paul Henry wants people to appreciate his brilliance. He wants to be surrounded by fans who can bask in his intellectual brightness and benefit from his wisdom.

Have you noticed how he is constantly encouraging Pippa Wetzell, his simpering co-host, to join in the fun and laugh at his cleverness? It's not exactly Morecambe and Wise or The Two Ronnies - more Melody Rules.

If he gets no response from Wetzell, Henry will share his cleverness with whoever's reading the news that morning. I'd have more sympathy for Peter Williams and Alison Mau if they stopped encouraging him by pretending to laugh at his jokes. Or do they seriously think he's funny?

Henry's need for adoration is so manic that you will often find him calling out to the unseen people behind the cameras. If I was one of the camera guy's I'd be giving him the two-finger salute.

Henry is the kind of bore who'll corner you in the corridor or in the staff cafeteria and regale you with his latest 'funny story'. You are trapped and time crawls to a stop and you lose the will to live.

You're only chance of escape is that you see him before he sees you. I understand certain TVNZ staffers warn each other via cellphone when Henry enters the building.

Henry is that kind of guy. He's constantly wondering why the room empties out when he walks in. He never actually works out that its him everyone is running away from. I mean, how can anyone not one want to be around TVNZ's brightest and most talented star? How can anyone not want to hear his latest funny joke about the intellectually handicapped and/ or some bloody lefty/ commie/ pinko/ environmentalist/lesbian?

Of course on the set of Breakfast he has a captive audience - Pippa, Peter, Alison, the production staff. They have no choice but to listen to him because that's what they are paid to do.

At least Tamati Coffey gets to give his weather reports from outside the studio, away from Henry. Unfortunately for him he still has to endure being talked at by the guy.

Paul Henry. What a man. What a hero. What a wanker.


F**K You Paul Henry