A CAT WRITES

Gareth Morgan is a nasty man, writes Blacky.

Steve has given me permission to write something on his blog. You might think this is just Steve writing this but you would be wrong - I'm a very clever cat. It definitely is not just Steve's poor attempt at humour.

I'm Blacky. I live with Steve and another cat. She's called Fluffy and I don't like her very much but most of the time we live peaceably together- as long as she doesn't try to eat my food or sits in my special chair.

I was abandoned by my previous servants after the big Christchurch earthquake but I was given a new home by Steve's friends, Megan and Dave. Then when Megan and Dave decided to go travelling  around the world  Steve agreed to take me in.  I'm sure his life has been enhanced by my presence.

It took me a while to train him to my satisfaction  (he spends too much time on the couch moaning about Newcastle United in my opinion) but everyone is happy now. The cat cafe is open 24 hours at my place!

I'm getting on in years so most of my  time is spent sleeping, dozing, eating,  wandering around the garden and..more sleeping.  I occasionally eat too much and throw up but at least I don't have to clean up the mess. Guess who gets to do that.  Ha Ha.

I was very upset to learn that a nasty man called Gareth Morgan wants to exterminate me and my fellow felines. He has even set up a website, Cats To Go, where he claims that cats like me are sadists and natural-born killers that destroy native wildlife. He says we're serial killers.

I have to say that I'm not a sadist. I don't even know what the word means. But I do like the music of Sade because I'm a bit of a smooth operator myself.

I have also never destroyed any native wildlife in my entire nine lives. These days it takes me all my time to get off Steve's comfy bed and toddle down to the kitchen for more food.

I must confess though  to being  a serial killer thought because  I once ripped open a box of cornflakes. Get it? Cereal killer!

I think nasty Gareth should spend more time with his Wellington Pheonix football team - who suck big time.

I'm glad that the nice Mr Bob Kerridge of the SPCA has come to the defence of us cats. He says that Gareth is a very silly man.

Good on you, Bob!

3 comments:

My cat does't know what all the fuss is about cats eating native birds. He thinks Sparrows and Blackbirds are infinitely more delicious.

Mr Bob Kerridge was bloody unconvincing in the tv clip I saw.

But if fusspot Morgan had his way, a huge capitalist industry - pet food, pet toys, pet medicines, pet marriage celebrants etc - would collapse. Job losses v threat to the system...

The selfish vote wins this one for me, our household has always had at least one cat, one of those creatures and a bottle of gin will get you through just about whatever life chucks up.

I remember Gareth predicting the 12 month forcast for the economy once, citing that petrol would hit $3 bucks a litre by the end of that year. Being a petrolhead, I took great concern of this. That was about six years ago. I don't take too much notice of what Gareth says anymore. Yeee harrr to filthy big V8s Gareth.

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